PAX is coming up and just like last year, I'm not able to attend. It's awful. So many of my friends on Steam are attending this year and, even though I have a truly beautiful new gaming rig, I am the one burning with jealousy and angst. Angst-y angel, yep, that's me right now. PAX is that great--despite all the lines and the fact that the last PAX that I attended gave me a 10 day long course of H1N1 and permanent lung damage. Yes, my lungs were permanently damaged by going to PAX one year and I would willingly go again in a heartbeat. I'm like an alcoholic with cirrhosis when it comes to PAX--screw my liver because I know I'll have a blast.
Last night, I met up with a friend of mine from Steam that I had known for a couple years. We had talked about getting together to hang out for a while now but something always came up (usually some new game or old game that we found a renewed love for). It's always interesting to meet the people that you game with face to face. These are people that you banter with, smack talk to, have destroyed at least a hundred times, and shared the ups and downs of your real life with for years--and who still choose to be your friend at the end of the day despite all that. Whereas on Facebook, you'll find friends carefully wording their statuses and posting the best pictures of themselves so that they present to the (facebook) world their best, most perfect lives, on Steam, I believe the tendency is to present ourselves more of as we are as opposed to who we think people want us to be. I would say a significant number of my friends on Steam know me the best. Meeting face to face in that kind of situation is always a little nerve wracking because, no matter what, one's always a little afraid of being judged. Almost invariably though, those nerves take flight the moment you conspiratorially talk about how best to survive a zombie invasion.
I remember when my kids and I were living at my dad's house, an immense three story home built into the side of a mountain above a somewhat rural town, we were all discussing what we would do to make his home secure in the event of a zombie apocalypse over dinner. As we were excitedly talking about the home's defensive possibilities and its weaknesses, my dad walked into the breakfast nook to ask us what we were talking about. We blithely told him. He just gave a nervous laugh and smile and then, quickly left the room. I don't think he ever came back into the nook while we were dining again that I recall. That is the singular difference between our friends and family that surround us in "irl" and our friends that we game with. Hold the same conversation at something like PAX and you're bound to have everyone in line around you excitedly join in on the conversation regardless of whether you actually know them or not.
PAX is a nerd fest. It's where we don't feel quite so alienated for being who we are. Where being our nerdiest inner selves is tantamount to being epic. Checking out the new games is great. The free loot is great. My favorite t-shirts are still the babble.com and Serious Sam t-shirts that I picked up for free at PAX '09. What is the greatest about PAX is being surrounded by your own kind. Where being a nerd doesn't inevitably get met with rolled eyes or concerned look but instead, embraced. To all my friends attending PAX '11, I will miss hanging out with you dearly. I'll be moping all weekend because I'm not there. Have a blast for me, please!
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