For those that aren't aware, once upon a time, I was a partner in training for my family's corporation. Our corporation was valued at $32 million and had over 400 employees. It was so successful and profitable that it gained the interest of a large oil corporation who sought to acquire it. My father, not willing to give up his baby, refused and the end result was, essentially, the death of the business. Big oil companies apparently don't like "no" for an answer. One of the things that I was in charge of in my position was public relations. Any customer complaint filed with the Better Business Bureau ended up being handled by me. A single unhappy customer doesn't seem like much but they also tend to be the most vocal. A customer who is content with the service of a corporation is not likely to say much at all. In contrast, a customer who is disgruntled--especially if it was rightfully so--will shout as loud as they possibly can. We learned, through, experience that it was far better to handle issues with disgruntled customers quickly and efficiently. We didn't have to bend over backwards and give them the world. We just had to resolve the issue in an expedient manner to bring them back to contentment.
Because of all this, I tend to very critically examine corporation's behavior in regards to public relations. I wouldn't say that I set the bar high for what is appropriate behavior though. I have just learned through the eyes of all those former disgruntled customers that there is an unspoken standard that we, the consumers, expect when we engage in a business transaction with a corporation or even a small business. We expect some level of professionalism, mutual respect, and, most importantly, that our concerns and complaints, should they exist, are at the minimum responded to in a timely manner. If one goes to a restaurant and the waiter there is rude, abrasive and doesn't bring your food out for an hour, the general response of the customer is to lodge a complaint with the manager. The expectation at that point is at least an apology for the waiter's behavior by the manager. If they do not respond or are equally rude, then, odds are that customer will not return again.
This is how the free market works. If a company behaves badly or produces a defective product, they will lose customers and losing customers means losing money. This required standard of behavior is, therefore, found nearly across every industry. This is also the core reason of why so many large corporations have some form of corporate social responsibility program, although a lot of CSR programs tend to be mistakenly treated as public relations programs. The only organizations that seem to escape this kind of general standard of behavior, however, are those that illicit, by precise definition, fanaticism within their consumers.
Fanaticism, as previously defined, is a belief or behavior involving uncritical zeal. It is without logic or rationality and frequently, fanatics will engage in multiple cognitive biases in order to anchor their beliefs in the greatness of a corporation. Some may even react with hostility should another speak poorly of their source of fanaticism. In a recent study, MRIs found that the areas of the brain that were lit up in an Apple product fanatic were the same as those areas lit up by a religious fanatic. In a sense, fanaticism whether it be political, religious or over a corporation, is a fundamental change in the way that the brain processes information. I would hazard to say, as such, that it could even be construed as a mental illness.
The problem with fanaticism towards a corporation is that fanatics are highly vocal and highly defensive of the corporation without any critical thought. It creates a situation in which, in turn, the executive officers and their employees may also be prone to cognitive biases. Corporate fanaticism can result in corporate group think errors and wishful thinking in that their company, no matter what the mistake, can do no wrong or that they are somehow above the general standards of business behavior. What it means to you, the customer, is that you may not be treated with the according respect, promptness or perhaps even ignored entirely that you would normally expect in a business transaction or should you have a complaint. It allows for the quality of the product or service to decline as even gross errors are quickly discarded by both corporation and fanatic.
Fan boys may be good as being cheerleaders for their pet companies but, overall, they are bad for business. The reason being is that not every consumer of a product or service is a fanatic. Fanatics, despite all their vocal nature, are actually the minority. Consistent failure to produce a quality product or engage in expected business behavior may be ignored by fanatics but it is generally not ignored by the average consumer who may not feel compelled to express their dissatisfaction. A positive corporate reputation is very difficult to develop but also the most easily tarnished. Group think within an organization can quickly lead to tarnished reputations and a loss of market share.
A good example of the negative effects of group think within a corporation would be Toyota Automotive. For decades, Toyota had had the reputation of being an automotive manufacturer whose vehicles were regarded as being both high quality with high safety standards. As such, Toyota dominated the automotive manufacturing market and their competitors market share accordingly declined. Because of their excellent track record, Toyota began making changes to increase their profitability. After all, they made an excellent product. They could do no wrong. The end result put multiple customers in profound danger, which was catastrophic for Toyota as well in that they lost a large portion of that dominating market share.
Toyota is an extreme example of the problem with fanaticism and corporate group think. Not every industry is going to be putting their consumers' lives at risk should they fail to produce a quality product or service but they still can damage their consumers' lives through financial loss. In the case of Valve Corporation, we are purchasing goods that are strictly under their control. We become unwitting investors in the corporation as our access to those goods are frequently limited to Valve's continued existence. Think of how many games acquired through Steam are capable of running in offline mode or even how much money you have effectively sunk into Steam acquiring those games.
We all hope to be treated fairly by Valve Corporation even if we don't actively consider these matters but, in reality, we should be concerned when there is a consistent deficit in responding to consumer concerns. They essentially have the ability to take away access to our thousands of dollars sunk into a game. I recently had a problem with accessing money placed into a Steam wallet on another account and it took at least a month and several support tickets for Valve to fix the problem. We joke about "Valve time" when we shouldn't considering our individual investments into their service. We should instead hold them to those same expected standards that we hold for all of our other business transactions.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Words of note
Just a few little words that are chewing through my brain today with definitions courtesy of wikipedia.
Fanaticism--a belief or behavior involving uncritical zeal, particularly for an extreme religious or political cause or in some cases sports, or with an obsessive enthusiasm for a pastime or hobby...By either description the fanatic displays very strict standards and little tolerance for contrary ideas or opinions. (wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanaticism)
Fanboy--a term used to describe a male who is highly devoted and biased in opinion towards a single subject or hobby within a given field. Fanboy-ism is often prevalent in a field of products, brands or universe of characters where very few competitors (or enemies in fiction, such as comics) exist. (wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_%28person%29)
Wishful thinking--the formation of beliefs and making decisions according to what might be pleasing to imagine instead of by appealing to evidence, rationality or reality. (wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases)
Irrational escalation – the phenomenon where people justify increased investment in a decision, based on the cumulative prior investment, despite new evidence suggesting that the decision was probably wrong. (wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases)
More on these later and an interesting link: http://consumerist.com/2011/05/mri-shows-apple-stimulates-fans-brains-like-religion.html
Fanaticism--a belief or behavior involving uncritical zeal, particularly for an extreme religious or political cause or in some cases sports, or with an obsessive enthusiasm for a pastime or hobby...By either description the fanatic displays very strict standards and little tolerance for contrary ideas or opinions. (wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanaticism)
Fanboy--a term used to describe a male who is highly devoted and biased in opinion towards a single subject or hobby within a given field. Fanboy-ism is often prevalent in a field of products, brands or universe of characters where very few competitors (or enemies in fiction, such as comics) exist. (wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_%28person%29)
Wishful thinking--the formation of beliefs and making decisions according to what might be pleasing to imagine instead of by appealing to evidence, rationality or reality. (wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases)
Irrational escalation – the phenomenon where people justify increased investment in a decision, based on the cumulative prior investment, despite new evidence suggesting that the decision was probably wrong. (wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases)
More on these later and an interesting link: http://consumerist.com/2011/05/mri-shows-apple-stimulates-fans-brains-like-religion.html
Monday, August 29, 2011
Email to Gabe Newell
Mr. Newell,
I recently won a Valve All-Access Pass code through PC Gamer. I have since received the computer, which was promptly shipped out the day following my return of the appropriate forms, but I still have not received the access code for the pass. According to Dan Stapleton, PC Gamer's reviews editor, the magazine had not yet received the pass code from your corporation. As of August 28th, I have heard nothing more in regards to the Valve All-Access Pass. This pass is to include all past, current and future games released by Valve, which holds a great deal of intrinsic value. Unfortunately, I am concerned that I will not be receiving it in a timely manner if at all. A large number of my friends have presumed that I already have this code and are surprised that I do not yet have it. My concern is that I may not receive it at all despite the win being largely broadcast.
My reasoning behind this concern is directly related to previous activities involving your corporation which have held considerably less intrinsic value. Last year, I participated in a Valve co-sponsored highlander community tournament, which promised medals to qualifying participants. A year later, neither myself or my son have yet received that promised medal. This medal has very little, if any, monetary value yet still, the fact that it was promised and has not yet occurred after such a length of time has tarnished our opinion somewhat of your corporation. To compound the issue, I had purchased 3 copies of Left for Dead for myself and family based on the things that you said in regards to how the game would be supported similar to Team Fortress 2. Instead, it was hardly supported and Left for Dead 2 was released instead, essentially sinking the $150+ that I had invested in the game. Whereas there has been a large number of individuals voicing their disappointment in regards to the lack of prompt fulfillment in both of these cases, I am most poignantly aware that I am standing alone in regards to receiving the aforementioned pass code, which seems to already be all but forgotten. It is a highly uncomfortable situation, which has grown by considerable measure due to the actions of one of your volunteer moderators on the forum.
One of the things that I have admired about your corporation is its response to concerns presented by the community which supports you monetarily like the recent protest outside of Valve. I thought the response was both funny and awesome. Therefore, I am aware that the community itself may be well-versed in some way in which to bring my concern in regard to the pass code to your attention. I went to your corporation's forums on Steampowered.com to explain my situation and ask for advice, which is what I am following by emailing you personally. The conversation was polite, positive, and helpful, which is, sad to say, surprising considering usually it can be misogynistic and rude. I was, however, utterly shocked and disturbed when ian, a volunteer moderator on the forums locked the thread with the sole statement that it was going into "dark, dangerous and evil places". When I messaged him privately about the matter, he made a number of base and, frankly, insulting accusations for which there is no basis. His responses were so unfitting to a corporation through which I am a consumer and have acquired 183 games through over my and my children's accounts that it has risen my concerns to outright alarm. Online forums are online forums but the moderators that a corporation chooses to govern those forums essentially represent that company. If ian's behavior is representative of Valve, then my instinct as a consumer is to not spend another penny through Steam. Steam requires a great deal of trust between its consumers and Valve as we are not receiving physical copies of Steam's wares. We, the consumer, depend on your corporation to allow us continued access to the considerable sums of money that we may put into our accounts through DRM. If something should utterly shake that trust, such as ian's behavior, then would it be rational to continue purchasing goods from that retailer if this is the chosen kind of behavior of its representatives?
My goal here, however, is not to try to tell you how to run your company. Instead, it is to inform you of my deep distress in both how my view of Valve is growing increasingly and irreparably tarnished both as a consumer and a recipient of a pass code which will bind me to your company through the rest of its corporate life. As such, just as a stockholder would feel, I have a vested interest in the success of Valve. Initially, my sole point of contacting you, as suggested by community members on the forums, was to simply ask about the pass code and remind that I am still awaiting it so that I will not be forgotten. Because of ian, however, I am in great distress and tone has changed. I, your customer since Half-Life was released and a mother of two children with their own growing accounts, wants to ask you if you truly care about the opinions of your consumers or are your responses to consumer concerns all simple hijinks meant to entertain doting fan boys and derail from pertinent issues? My own concerns as a consumer were declared "dark, dangerous and going into evil places" by a representative of your corporation. Is that truly your opinion, too?
Thank you for all the games,
xxxxxx xxxxxx
I recently won a Valve All-Access Pass code through PC Gamer. I have since received the computer, which was promptly shipped out the day following my return of the appropriate forms, but I still have not received the access code for the pass. According to Dan Stapleton, PC Gamer's reviews editor, the magazine had not yet received the pass code from your corporation. As of August 28th, I have heard nothing more in regards to the Valve All-Access Pass. This pass is to include all past, current and future games released by Valve, which holds a great deal of intrinsic value. Unfortunately, I am concerned that I will not be receiving it in a timely manner if at all. A large number of my friends have presumed that I already have this code and are surprised that I do not yet have it. My concern is that I may not receive it at all despite the win being largely broadcast.
My reasoning behind this concern is directly related to previous activities involving your corporation which have held considerably less intrinsic value. Last year, I participated in a Valve co-sponsored highlander community tournament, which promised medals to qualifying participants. A year later, neither myself or my son have yet received that promised medal. This medal has very little, if any, monetary value yet still, the fact that it was promised and has not yet occurred after such a length of time has tarnished our opinion somewhat of your corporation. To compound the issue, I had purchased 3 copies of Left for Dead for myself and family based on the things that you said in regards to how the game would be supported similar to Team Fortress 2. Instead, it was hardly supported and Left for Dead 2 was released instead, essentially sinking the $150+ that I had invested in the game. Whereas there has been a large number of individuals voicing their disappointment in regards to the lack of prompt fulfillment in both of these cases, I am most poignantly aware that I am standing alone in regards to receiving the aforementioned pass code, which seems to already be all but forgotten. It is a highly uncomfortable situation, which has grown by considerable measure due to the actions of one of your volunteer moderators on the forum.
One of the things that I have admired about your corporation is its response to concerns presented by the community which supports you monetarily like the recent protest outside of Valve. I thought the response was both funny and awesome. Therefore, I am aware that the community itself may be well-versed in some way in which to bring my concern in regard to the pass code to your attention. I went to your corporation's forums on Steampowered.com to explain my situation and ask for advice, which is what I am following by emailing you personally. The conversation was polite, positive, and helpful, which is, sad to say, surprising considering usually it can be misogynistic and rude. I was, however, utterly shocked and disturbed when ian, a volunteer moderator on the forums locked the thread with the sole statement that it was going into "dark, dangerous and evil places". When I messaged him privately about the matter, he made a number of base and, frankly, insulting accusations for which there is no basis. His responses were so unfitting to a corporation through which I am a consumer and have acquired 183 games through over my and my children's accounts that it has risen my concerns to outright alarm. Online forums are online forums but the moderators that a corporation chooses to govern those forums essentially represent that company. If ian's behavior is representative of Valve, then my instinct as a consumer is to not spend another penny through Steam. Steam requires a great deal of trust between its consumers and Valve as we are not receiving physical copies of Steam's wares. We, the consumer, depend on your corporation to allow us continued access to the considerable sums of money that we may put into our accounts through DRM. If something should utterly shake that trust, such as ian's behavior, then would it be rational to continue purchasing goods from that retailer if this is the chosen kind of behavior of its representatives?
My goal here, however, is not to try to tell you how to run your company. Instead, it is to inform you of my deep distress in both how my view of Valve is growing increasingly and irreparably tarnished both as a consumer and a recipient of a pass code which will bind me to your company through the rest of its corporate life. As such, just as a stockholder would feel, I have a vested interest in the success of Valve. Initially, my sole point of contacting you, as suggested by community members on the forums, was to simply ask about the pass code and remind that I am still awaiting it so that I will not be forgotten. Because of ian, however, I am in great distress and tone has changed. I, your customer since Half-Life was released and a mother of two children with their own growing accounts, wants to ask you if you truly care about the opinions of your consumers or are your responses to consumer concerns all simple hijinks meant to entertain doting fan boys and derail from pertinent issues? My own concerns as a consumer were declared "dark, dangerous and going into evil places" by a representative of your corporation. Is that truly your opinion, too?
Thank you for all the games,
xxxxxx xxxxxx
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Just wow.
Something that everybody keeps assuming is that I have the Valve All-Access Code already. Just last night, a good friend made the assumption that I had L4D2 now. Funny thing is, I don't. I haven't received the code yet. The slowness on that aspect of my prize isn't PC Gamer's fault. The computer was shipped out the day after I filled out all the forms, which was just an impressive response time that PC Gamer should really be proud of. I think they were just as excited to get me that computer asap as I was to receive it and that's awesome. But the Valve All-Access Pass, they still hadn't received that from Valve.
Obviously, the contest was something that had been in the works and announced in advance. Enough time for Digital Storm to custom paint my beautiful new baby's exterior and its interior grills and vents with an automotive grade paint finish. That stuff takes time. Every aspect of that computer obviously took a great deal of time and care in its making. The wiring is so beautifully done that it's virtually invisible. Time and effort went into making my beautiful baby and probably quite a bit of both. On Valve's end, they already had a similar code that is apparently used for its employees, reviewers and close industry ties. All they needed to do was make it so that I could enter that code in and get that same kind of access. Apparently, that takes longer than building a custom painted monster of a machine because Dan Stapleton of PC Gamer was apologetic in the code's absence after my computer was shipped out.
We make jokes about "Valve time" and how slow they can be. It's like the ETF2L Highlander Community Challenge medals that we all haven't received a year later. I've seen most people who are eligible for the medals give up on ever receiving theirs. Should I give up on receiving my code? A company should always be mindful of how its customers' view their reliability and trustworthiness. I think of Valve's promises and I think of Left 4 Dead, the Highlander medals, the Half Life monthly episodes. Am I going to have to add in the all access code to that list where Valve smiled and said they were going to do something only to not do it at all?
I posted on the Steam forums seeing if anybody had any ideas on what to do about getting them to get me the code because, honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared that I just simply won't get it. That Valve will just forget me because of some convention somewhere, some new game that they're playing or working on. Maybe they'll forget me because they're working on new hats. The thread on Steam was courteous--amazingly so considering it was Steam forums--so it was a cold hard shock to see that ian, one of the forums' moderators, declare that the thread was going into "dark, dangerous and evil places" and promptly lock it down. I have 83 games through Steam and those don't include the so far non-existent pass. I have thousands of dollars invested in a company who makes promises that they don't keep and shuts down threads that voice a concern. To me, that's dark. That's dangerous. That's just bringing things into an evil place.
Obviously, the contest was something that had been in the works and announced in advance. Enough time for Digital Storm to custom paint my beautiful new baby's exterior and its interior grills and vents with an automotive grade paint finish. That stuff takes time. Every aspect of that computer obviously took a great deal of time and care in its making. The wiring is so beautifully done that it's virtually invisible. Time and effort went into making my beautiful baby and probably quite a bit of both. On Valve's end, they already had a similar code that is apparently used for its employees, reviewers and close industry ties. All they needed to do was make it so that I could enter that code in and get that same kind of access. Apparently, that takes longer than building a custom painted monster of a machine because Dan Stapleton of PC Gamer was apologetic in the code's absence after my computer was shipped out.
We make jokes about "Valve time" and how slow they can be. It's like the ETF2L Highlander Community Challenge medals that we all haven't received a year later. I've seen most people who are eligible for the medals give up on ever receiving theirs. Should I give up on receiving my code? A company should always be mindful of how its customers' view their reliability and trustworthiness. I think of Valve's promises and I think of Left 4 Dead, the Highlander medals, the Half Life monthly episodes. Am I going to have to add in the all access code to that list where Valve smiled and said they were going to do something only to not do it at all?
I posted on the Steam forums seeing if anybody had any ideas on what to do about getting them to get me the code because, honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared that I just simply won't get it. That Valve will just forget me because of some convention somewhere, some new game that they're playing or working on. Maybe they'll forget me because they're working on new hats. The thread on Steam was courteous--amazingly so considering it was Steam forums--so it was a cold hard shock to see that ian, one of the forums' moderators, declare that the thread was going into "dark, dangerous and evil places" and promptly lock it down. I have 83 games through Steam and those don't include the so far non-existent pass. I have thousands of dollars invested in a company who makes promises that they don't keep and shuts down threads that voice a concern. To me, that's dark. That's dangerous. That's just bringing things into an evil place.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Zombies and Pizza
PAX is coming up and just like last year, I'm not able to attend. It's awful. So many of my friends on Steam are attending this year and, even though I have a truly beautiful new gaming rig, I am the one burning with jealousy and angst. Angst-y angel, yep, that's me right now. PAX is that great--despite all the lines and the fact that the last PAX that I attended gave me a 10 day long course of H1N1 and permanent lung damage. Yes, my lungs were permanently damaged by going to PAX one year and I would willingly go again in a heartbeat. I'm like an alcoholic with cirrhosis when it comes to PAX--screw my liver because I know I'll have a blast.
Last night, I met up with a friend of mine from Steam that I had known for a couple years. We had talked about getting together to hang out for a while now but something always came up (usually some new game or old game that we found a renewed love for). It's always interesting to meet the people that you game with face to face. These are people that you banter with, smack talk to, have destroyed at least a hundred times, and shared the ups and downs of your real life with for years--and who still choose to be your friend at the end of the day despite all that. Whereas on Facebook, you'll find friends carefully wording their statuses and posting the best pictures of themselves so that they present to the (facebook) world their best, most perfect lives, on Steam, I believe the tendency is to present ourselves more of as we are as opposed to who we think people want us to be. I would say a significant number of my friends on Steam know me the best. Meeting face to face in that kind of situation is always a little nerve wracking because, no matter what, one's always a little afraid of being judged. Almost invariably though, those nerves take flight the moment you conspiratorially talk about how best to survive a zombie invasion.
I remember when my kids and I were living at my dad's house, an immense three story home built into the side of a mountain above a somewhat rural town, we were all discussing what we would do to make his home secure in the event of a zombie apocalypse over dinner. As we were excitedly talking about the home's defensive possibilities and its weaknesses, my dad walked into the breakfast nook to ask us what we were talking about. We blithely told him. He just gave a nervous laugh and smile and then, quickly left the room. I don't think he ever came back into the nook while we were dining again that I recall. That is the singular difference between our friends and family that surround us in "irl" and our friends that we game with. Hold the same conversation at something like PAX and you're bound to have everyone in line around you excitedly join in on the conversation regardless of whether you actually know them or not.
PAX is a nerd fest. It's where we don't feel quite so alienated for being who we are. Where being our nerdiest inner selves is tantamount to being epic. Checking out the new games is great. The free loot is great. My favorite t-shirts are still the babble.com and Serious Sam t-shirts that I picked up for free at PAX '09. What is the greatest about PAX is being surrounded by your own kind. Where being a nerd doesn't inevitably get met with rolled eyes or concerned look but instead, embraced. To all my friends attending PAX '11, I will miss hanging out with you dearly. I'll be moping all weekend because I'm not there. Have a blast for me, please!
Last night, I met up with a friend of mine from Steam that I had known for a couple years. We had talked about getting together to hang out for a while now but something always came up (usually some new game or old game that we found a renewed love for). It's always interesting to meet the people that you game with face to face. These are people that you banter with, smack talk to, have destroyed at least a hundred times, and shared the ups and downs of your real life with for years--and who still choose to be your friend at the end of the day despite all that. Whereas on Facebook, you'll find friends carefully wording their statuses and posting the best pictures of themselves so that they present to the (facebook) world their best, most perfect lives, on Steam, I believe the tendency is to present ourselves more of as we are as opposed to who we think people want us to be. I would say a significant number of my friends on Steam know me the best. Meeting face to face in that kind of situation is always a little nerve wracking because, no matter what, one's always a little afraid of being judged. Almost invariably though, those nerves take flight the moment you conspiratorially talk about how best to survive a zombie invasion.
I remember when my kids and I were living at my dad's house, an immense three story home built into the side of a mountain above a somewhat rural town, we were all discussing what we would do to make his home secure in the event of a zombie apocalypse over dinner. As we were excitedly talking about the home's defensive possibilities and its weaknesses, my dad walked into the breakfast nook to ask us what we were talking about. We blithely told him. He just gave a nervous laugh and smile and then, quickly left the room. I don't think he ever came back into the nook while we were dining again that I recall. That is the singular difference between our friends and family that surround us in "irl" and our friends that we game with. Hold the same conversation at something like PAX and you're bound to have everyone in line around you excitedly join in on the conversation regardless of whether you actually know them or not.
PAX is a nerd fest. It's where we don't feel quite so alienated for being who we are. Where being our nerdiest inner selves is tantamount to being epic. Checking out the new games is great. The free loot is great. My favorite t-shirts are still the babble.com and Serious Sam t-shirts that I picked up for free at PAX '09. What is the greatest about PAX is being surrounded by your own kind. Where being a nerd doesn't inevitably get met with rolled eyes or concerned look but instead, embraced. To all my friends attending PAX '11, I will miss hanging out with you dearly. I'll be moping all weekend because I'm not there. Have a blast for me, please!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Beauty
I always find it interesting that, regardless of what a female gamer does, the responses to her sometimes fall into negativity. I almost always have my avatar as a picture of myself. I actually find that I get less flak for having a picture of myself as my avatar than I do when I don't. If I don't, a few will relentlessly declare that I am fat and ugly for my playing video games. It can't be that I love gaming for the sake of gaming. To these few, I game for the attention I receive as a "gurl gamer". It doesn't matter if I happen to be good at the game that I'm playing. I'm making up for a lack of attention that I desire to have in real life.
Ironically enough, this doesn't happen nearly as much if I happen to have a picture of myself as my avatar. To the few that still declare me to be fat and ugly, I simply direct them to my profile and tell them that it is up to themselves to decide whether it be true or not. I simply don't care what they think. That is generally sufficient to silence them. Yet, inevitably, there will be the response that, because I am attractive, I have a picture of myself up to get attention. Yes, it really is a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Just between the two, I get more peace with a picture of myself as my avatar than I do without.
I suppose I could put a picture of myself up where my hair is undone, without any makeup at all (I don't wear much to begin with), and clad in the baggiest clothes imaginable. I've sort of done that in the past where, after being sick with a literal bloody cough (courtesy of swine flu lung damage) and on a whim, I snapped a shot of myself fevered complete with crazy bedhead. The response was hilarious from my friends and, surprisingly enough, the few that attacked me for being a female gamer actually were sympathetic in the end. Apparently, looking like a slob is what these few want probably because it confirms the stereotype of a female gamer in their mind of a slob at the helm. If that's not me, however, then why should I have to put a picture up of me at my worst to gain acceptance and peace in game?
I'd rather be a thorn in a stereotype's side than feed it even if it means that I'll suffer some verbal abuse. There is no stereotype for the female gamer based simply on what she has in her profile. Yes, some of us may act slutty and be playing for attention but there are plenty of others who play for the love of the game. Just as some males who play may fit the precise physical stereotype of a nerd, there are plenty of others who do not. I would rather be me any day than just another stereotype. If a woman has beauty, she should not have to hide it and to display it is not a cry of attention. It's simply saying "this is me and accept it". There is a reason why feminists have an affection for Marilyn Monroe because she embraced who she was without apology.
Ironically enough, this doesn't happen nearly as much if I happen to have a picture of myself as my avatar. To the few that still declare me to be fat and ugly, I simply direct them to my profile and tell them that it is up to themselves to decide whether it be true or not. I simply don't care what they think. That is generally sufficient to silence them. Yet, inevitably, there will be the response that, because I am attractive, I have a picture of myself up to get attention. Yes, it really is a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Just between the two, I get more peace with a picture of myself as my avatar than I do without.
I suppose I could put a picture of myself up where my hair is undone, without any makeup at all (I don't wear much to begin with), and clad in the baggiest clothes imaginable. I've sort of done that in the past where, after being sick with a literal bloody cough (courtesy of swine flu lung damage) and on a whim, I snapped a shot of myself fevered complete with crazy bedhead. The response was hilarious from my friends and, surprisingly enough, the few that attacked me for being a female gamer actually were sympathetic in the end. Apparently, looking like a slob is what these few want probably because it confirms the stereotype of a female gamer in their mind of a slob at the helm. If that's not me, however, then why should I have to put a picture up of me at my worst to gain acceptance and peace in game?
I'd rather be a thorn in a stereotype's side than feed it even if it means that I'll suffer some verbal abuse. There is no stereotype for the female gamer based simply on what she has in her profile. Yes, some of us may act slutty and be playing for attention but there are plenty of others who play for the love of the game. Just as some males who play may fit the precise physical stereotype of a nerd, there are plenty of others who do not. I would rather be me any day than just another stereotype. If a woman has beauty, she should not have to hide it and to display it is not a cry of attention. It's simply saying "this is me and accept it". There is a reason why feminists have an affection for Marilyn Monroe because she embraced who she was without apology.
It's hotter than Hades tonight.
Tonight is one of those hot, hot nights where even the heat of a solitary light bulb feels like it might as well be a heat lamp beating down on you and the thought of how standing beneath a cold waterfall or even in a cold shower doesn't sound like it would be shockingly cold to the point of painful but instead like heavenly bliss. I don't do well in heat. Never have. I'm half Norwegian and most likely Saami at that so my genes just aren't built for such a thing. Give me arctic cold and I'd probably be content (as long as I had a mountain of fur on me). So here I am, woken by the dog from my escapist sleep, too hot to game and the idea of turning on the wall lamp to read is wholly unappetizing. Brilliant me seems to think that running a computer in a hot room is better but I don't feel the heat its generate like that cursed light bulb aka heat lamp.
Got teased this evening by toxic little jealous kids about my age. It's ironic because I'm actually very content with the subject. At no other point in my life have I ever felt quite so confident with who I am. Who I am is no longer a crisis to me and I have zero urge to pretend to be any different. I am a nerd and I have always been one regardless of how I chose to portray myself. A while ago I caught myself going to the local convenience store on a Saturday night at around midnight wearing a vivid orange tshirt that said "If this tshirt doesn't smell, I'm not gaming hard enough", no make up and hair tucked up in a sloppy bun. I didn't care one bit that there were women around me in tight jeans and shirts with 10 lbs of make up on. I like who I am and I am long past pretending to be otherwise. That only comes with age.
The first tip off that I was a nerd should have been my obsessive little habit of memorizing all the facts about whatever happened to be my favorite subject. I was a veritable encyclopedia when it came to talking about my pet subject. When I was three, I had memorized all the different types of dinosaurs just like my little daughter did (but, admittedly, they knew of less dinosaurs when I was little than when she was). By the 4th grade, I became fascinated with the human body due to a school writing assignment and wrote out a 10 page paper describing in great deal the entire circulatory system and how blood moved through the body. It was such an epic little work for a 4th grader that I was accused of plagiarism. The "charges" were dropped after they grilled me on my sources and found that I really could recite to them the pathways of the blood throughout the body and how blood moved through capillary action. I was definitely a nerd. We just didn't have personal computers yet to fulfill that present day definition of one.
I remember when I came across my first video games at Sunshine Pizza. I immediately fell in love. I wasn't very good at sports though I could run fast and had quick reaction speeds. My parents wasted money on golf lessons, which I was an abysmal failure at. But video games--even the earliest arcade games were a test of reaction speed and that was always my physical forte. I can paint my life with the different video games that I mastered to easy perfection from Ms. PacMan and Pole Position (Prepare to qualify!) to TNMT and Mortal Kombat. My mother even used to joke that I originally majored in Road Blasters. Once I discovered arcades, I was hopping on my bike to ride it 5 miles to the video arcade and wheedle away my allowance all afternoon playing Centipede or Dig Dug. When I was 11, my parents decided to get my sister and I an Atari, which would end up having some of the bloodiest knock down fights over who would get to play on it on any given afternoon. It was so bad that my parents finally moved it into their room as if their room somehow would deter us from fighting. It's funny to imagine two young girls who were given classical educations in art, music, and literature peppered with constant lessons in manners becoming street brawlers just to play the likes of Pong. I could play the piano, clarinet, dance ballet and tap, sing beautiful and paint a lovely picture in oils but I also learned a good right hook thanks to Pong and my sister. So hooked on games I was that when I went on a road trip to California with my grandmother when I was 12 that my parents found a neon yellow monstrosity that allowed me to play PacMan wherever we were. Handhelds back then took two hands and a lap. That thing was so huge compared to a PSP or DS these days.
The irrefutable truth that I was a nerd definitely came out when I chose to take a computers class in high school though. I was such a wiz at Basic that my coding was impeccable and I'd finish my homework within 15 minutes of it being assigned. My parents' response to my computing skill was to buy us a Franklin Ace. Back then, computers were nothing like they were today. There was no such thing as Windows but only a black screen with a prompt when you booted up. By then, my mother was working for Floating Point and the code monkeys there sent her home with copies of early games for me to play. That's how I first played Zork and the jaw dropping Dig Dug on a computer. Even without meeting me, those Floating Point guys and my mother knew I was a nerd despite all my efforts, when I was at least aware of it, to hide it.
No matter how "cool" I became, there was always some little homage to my nerdiness. Even when I was a club kid, if the club should have an arcade game stashed away in the corner, that's where you'd find me until some amazing song came on. I coolly and irreparably crushed egos by rejecting offers of "good times" after the clubs closed because I was set to play D&D with my friends until the crack of dawn. I always felt split in the middle with that kind of dichotomy though--like I was trying to be two completely different people in one shell. The pretty little fashion maven who was a VIP at all the nightclubs and the nerd who'd rather devour 80 books a summer and stand in a mile long line just to watch Star Wars--an incompatible yin and yang. I was cool enough to transfix Madonna in a night club and nerdy enough to drink red wine from earthen jugs with guys dressed up as Klingons.
When online gaming began, a friend had opened a LAN center called the Lords of the Game. It was kind of like an early internet cafe just without the cafe. I was already enjoying playing computer games so off I went to check out my friend's new place of business. When I walked in, I was immediately scolded by one of the guys there because "the wires in my bra were going to disrupt the computer's hardware". It was a humorous jab at my gender but it also kind of pissed me off. I had to prove that I had as much of a right to be there as they did so I sat down and began to play Quake. It was an awful start until someone made the observation that I might need to play with an inverted mouse. Once I switched, I was destroying my fellow lan players vociferously. God I loved the rail gun and by the end of the afternoon, every guy in the place conceded that I was their better at Quake. Over the next year, they also learned I was their better at Counter Strike and Team Fortress, too, and they adored me for it. They became like brothers to me. I think it was about then that I stopped pretending to be all that I wasn't and began accepting who I had been all along--a nerd no longer in disguise.
It's still pretty funny, though, to see people's reactions when they find out how much of a nerd I am. Most people don't think "gamer" when they look at me. Finding out that I'm a gamer champion generally makes their eyes bulge and jaws drop in utter disbelief. I think the biggest difference about growing older is that you stop trying to hide who you are and being embarrassed about it. The confidence once gains with age is intoxicating if one just truly accepts themselves for who they are instead of trying to force themselves into a mold that just doesn't fit. I'm a nerd and a gamer and I'll always be both of those things. I will slip up and call someone a noob in an "irl" conversation. I'll get in a huge debate about whether a weapon in a game is OP and put a great deal of thought into my arguments. That's just me and I love being me.
Got teased this evening by toxic little jealous kids about my age. It's ironic because I'm actually very content with the subject. At no other point in my life have I ever felt quite so confident with who I am. Who I am is no longer a crisis to me and I have zero urge to pretend to be any different. I am a nerd and I have always been one regardless of how I chose to portray myself. A while ago I caught myself going to the local convenience store on a Saturday night at around midnight wearing a vivid orange tshirt that said "If this tshirt doesn't smell, I'm not gaming hard enough", no make up and hair tucked up in a sloppy bun. I didn't care one bit that there were women around me in tight jeans and shirts with 10 lbs of make up on. I like who I am and I am long past pretending to be otherwise. That only comes with age.
The first tip off that I was a nerd should have been my obsessive little habit of memorizing all the facts about whatever happened to be my favorite subject. I was a veritable encyclopedia when it came to talking about my pet subject. When I was three, I had memorized all the different types of dinosaurs just like my little daughter did (but, admittedly, they knew of less dinosaurs when I was little than when she was). By the 4th grade, I became fascinated with the human body due to a school writing assignment and wrote out a 10 page paper describing in great deal the entire circulatory system and how blood moved through the body. It was such an epic little work for a 4th grader that I was accused of plagiarism. The "charges" were dropped after they grilled me on my sources and found that I really could recite to them the pathways of the blood throughout the body and how blood moved through capillary action. I was definitely a nerd. We just didn't have personal computers yet to fulfill that present day definition of one.
I remember when I came across my first video games at Sunshine Pizza. I immediately fell in love. I wasn't very good at sports though I could run fast and had quick reaction speeds. My parents wasted money on golf lessons, which I was an abysmal failure at. But video games--even the earliest arcade games were a test of reaction speed and that was always my physical forte. I can paint my life with the different video games that I mastered to easy perfection from Ms. PacMan and Pole Position (Prepare to qualify!) to TNMT and Mortal Kombat. My mother even used to joke that I originally majored in Road Blasters. Once I discovered arcades, I was hopping on my bike to ride it 5 miles to the video arcade and wheedle away my allowance all afternoon playing Centipede or Dig Dug. When I was 11, my parents decided to get my sister and I an Atari, which would end up having some of the bloodiest knock down fights over who would get to play on it on any given afternoon. It was so bad that my parents finally moved it into their room as if their room somehow would deter us from fighting. It's funny to imagine two young girls who were given classical educations in art, music, and literature peppered with constant lessons in manners becoming street brawlers just to play the likes of Pong. I could play the piano, clarinet, dance ballet and tap, sing beautiful and paint a lovely picture in oils but I also learned a good right hook thanks to Pong and my sister. So hooked on games I was that when I went on a road trip to California with my grandmother when I was 12 that my parents found a neon yellow monstrosity that allowed me to play PacMan wherever we were. Handhelds back then took two hands and a lap. That thing was so huge compared to a PSP or DS these days.
The irrefutable truth that I was a nerd definitely came out when I chose to take a computers class in high school though. I was such a wiz at Basic that my coding was impeccable and I'd finish my homework within 15 minutes of it being assigned. My parents' response to my computing skill was to buy us a Franklin Ace. Back then, computers were nothing like they were today. There was no such thing as Windows but only a black screen with a prompt when you booted up. By then, my mother was working for Floating Point and the code monkeys there sent her home with copies of early games for me to play. That's how I first played Zork and the jaw dropping Dig Dug on a computer. Even without meeting me, those Floating Point guys and my mother knew I was a nerd despite all my efforts, when I was at least aware of it, to hide it.
No matter how "cool" I became, there was always some little homage to my nerdiness. Even when I was a club kid, if the club should have an arcade game stashed away in the corner, that's where you'd find me until some amazing song came on. I coolly and irreparably crushed egos by rejecting offers of "good times" after the clubs closed because I was set to play D&D with my friends until the crack of dawn. I always felt split in the middle with that kind of dichotomy though--like I was trying to be two completely different people in one shell. The pretty little fashion maven who was a VIP at all the nightclubs and the nerd who'd rather devour 80 books a summer and stand in a mile long line just to watch Star Wars--an incompatible yin and yang. I was cool enough to transfix Madonna in a night club and nerdy enough to drink red wine from earthen jugs with guys dressed up as Klingons.
When online gaming began, a friend had opened a LAN center called the Lords of the Game. It was kind of like an early internet cafe just without the cafe. I was already enjoying playing computer games so off I went to check out my friend's new place of business. When I walked in, I was immediately scolded by one of the guys there because "the wires in my bra were going to disrupt the computer's hardware". It was a humorous jab at my gender but it also kind of pissed me off. I had to prove that I had as much of a right to be there as they did so I sat down and began to play Quake. It was an awful start until someone made the observation that I might need to play with an inverted mouse. Once I switched, I was destroying my fellow lan players vociferously. God I loved the rail gun and by the end of the afternoon, every guy in the place conceded that I was their better at Quake. Over the next year, they also learned I was their better at Counter Strike and Team Fortress, too, and they adored me for it. They became like brothers to me. I think it was about then that I stopped pretending to be all that I wasn't and began accepting who I had been all along--a nerd no longer in disguise.
It's still pretty funny, though, to see people's reactions when they find out how much of a nerd I am. Most people don't think "gamer" when they look at me. Finding out that I'm a gamer champion generally makes their eyes bulge and jaws drop in utter disbelief. I think the biggest difference about growing older is that you stop trying to hide who you are and being embarrassed about it. The confidence once gains with age is intoxicating if one just truly accepts themselves for who they are instead of trying to force themselves into a mold that just doesn't fit. I'm a nerd and a gamer and I'll always be both of those things. I will slip up and call someone a noob in an "irl" conversation. I'll get in a huge debate about whether a weapon in a game is OP and put a great deal of thought into my arguments. That's just me and I love being me.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
15 minutes of fame
Pop culture hero, Andy Warhol, once said, "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes" and that's never more true than today. Personally, I'm anxiously awaiting my 15 minutes to be over with. Never been a huge fan of attention. I've always felt like I got too much for my liking so this has been a veritable nightmare for me. And for the record, that wasn't the picture that I gave PC Gamer but I do understand why they did it. The picture that I gave them to use was a nice sedate head shot. They used instead what I had on my profile--a picture that I chose to put up there because it was an amazing picture of me. I don't blame them for choosing that one over the one that I supplied simply because I knew anything else could be trouble. It's sad that I knew that and, at the same time, I really respect PC Gamer for using what they did. It made for a better story and acts as a reminder to me that I shouldn't ever have to hide who I am.
It's just unfortunate that a small few have chosen to, under the guise of anonymity, make commentary that they wouldn't ever have the balls to say to me should I be standing right in front of them. Trust me, I know they wouldn't. I have been to enough lans to understand that the difference between how a guy will talk to me on a server and how they will respond to me when I'm right in front of them is huge. Those few, however, did manage to take away some of the joy of winning an amazing prize--something that I would never have even dreamed of having because I prefer contentment over false hope. Instead of being able to share the PC Gamer article with my family, I was dreading my mom stumbling across it and firmly told my children not to look. Neither of them should have to read commentary that would only embarrass the hell out of them because their daughter or mom happens to be pretty. Even with that small victory, at the end of the day, I still have won an amazing computer, a killer pass code, and a great article in PC Gamer. Thank you so much, PC Gamer. I've always loved you guys and I always will for giving me something that I thought I could never have.
It's just unfortunate that a small few have chosen to, under the guise of anonymity, make commentary that they wouldn't ever have the balls to say to me should I be standing right in front of them. Trust me, I know they wouldn't. I have been to enough lans to understand that the difference between how a guy will talk to me on a server and how they will respond to me when I'm right in front of them is huge. Those few, however, did manage to take away some of the joy of winning an amazing prize--something that I would never have even dreamed of having because I prefer contentment over false hope. Instead of being able to share the PC Gamer article with my family, I was dreading my mom stumbling across it and firmly told my children not to look. Neither of them should have to read commentary that would only embarrass the hell out of them because their daughter or mom happens to be pretty. Even with that small victory, at the end of the day, I still have won an amazing computer, a killer pass code, and a great article in PC Gamer. Thank you so much, PC Gamer. I've always loved you guys and I always will for giving me something that I thought I could never have.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Marketing to Women in the Tech Industry
Most marketing representatives know that women, as a demographic, are a powerful economic force. We're more likely to be the ones to be responsible for the household shopping and, having the financial reigns on ye old checkbook (debit card now) means that most household appliances are catered more for women than they are men. You're more likely to find a hot pink hairdryer than one that emulates a jet engine to cater to men even in this time of Bieberites. One industry, however, stands out from all the others in regards to their difficulties in figuring out precisely what women want and that is the tech industry.
The tech industry tends to be woefully in the dark about what it is that women want from them. In fact, what the industry seems think we want is usually superficial changes to their products or they ignore us entirely in their product design. If you've ever gone browsing for computer cases, the greater portion of cases are designed with men in mind. The coolest ones tend to look like they have been sliced off the body of a Ferrari and lighting tends to be available in red, blue or green. If you should happen to find a case that clearly says "woman", you can bet that case is most likely pink.
This pattern of product design for women is repeated throughout the tech industry when a company does actually try to cater to us. Instead of trying to develop a product that fully caters to a woman, what ends up happening is that they take the existing product and make it available in pink, baby blue, lavender, or maybe a pale aqua. Or maybe it's incredibly tacky phone covers so we can "bling" out our phones to make them more feminine though, to be honest, the owners of the rare blinged out phone that I've seen tend to be teenage girls and that probably wasn't the market that the companies were hoping to cater to.
Altec Lansing is the latest tech company to foray into attempting to cater to women with their new ear bud headphones. Available in lavender, light aqua, pink, and in faceted shapes, they are still falling into the pattern of thinking "change the color" when creating a product for a woman. To give them credit though, they did also resize their ear buds so they fit better in a woman's ear. A tech company, for once, actually successfully designed a product that may cater to what a woman needs. Now if only those ear buds came in other colors and I'd be game.
The biggest problem with designing a product to a specific demographic based on its appearance through color or "bling" even is that it's not really considering their demographic at all. Most of my female friends don't have their cells encased in a specialty cover. In fact, I don't think any of them have done such a thing to their phones. They've all left them black and there really is no mystery as to why. Women tend to be pretty fashion conscious. Sure we could buy ourselves a pair of aqua ear buds that would fit our ears better but what do we do when we're wearing red? Are we to clash our feminine colored ear buds of choice with whatever we happen to be wearing that day or does Altec Lansing expect us to buy all of the shades available so that we can fashionably coordinate our ear buds with our outfits? That's a pretty expensive thing to do.
The great irony to Altec Lansing's ear buds is that they were so close to being completely on the mark with what women may want. The company's intention was to create ear buds that emulate earrings and named their products in three different grades Bliss Platinum, Gold or Silver. If they had actually looked at what women wear in their ears, they would find that we're most likely to wear just those colors--platinum, gold or silver. If they had done such a thing, then I would be interested in buying their product. Picking up a pair of platinum ear buds means that I don't have to wrinkle my nose every time I pull out my hot pink ear buds and I'm wearing a color that they clash with. Give me platinum colored ear buds with a brushed surface or even a little glitter and I would have ear buds that would coordinate with everything that I wear.
This is why the tech industry consistently seems to miss the mark when it comes to catering a product to a woman. What women want is precisely what men want--a quality product that works and isn't going to break after a month's use. We'll take a black phone over a pink version any day because we do tend to care how we look. It's not hard to comprehend, with our multitude of fashion magazines, that women like to look coordinated and pulled together. We're not little girls who are blissfully unaware that some colors may not go well together like my daughter who typically throws together outfits in color combinations that would even make a clown cringe. Now, put that tech product in a metal tone and then maybe we'll talk.
The tech industry tends to be woefully in the dark about what it is that women want from them. In fact, what the industry seems think we want is usually superficial changes to their products or they ignore us entirely in their product design. If you've ever gone browsing for computer cases, the greater portion of cases are designed with men in mind. The coolest ones tend to look like they have been sliced off the body of a Ferrari and lighting tends to be available in red, blue or green. If you should happen to find a case that clearly says "woman", you can bet that case is most likely pink.
This pattern of product design for women is repeated throughout the tech industry when a company does actually try to cater to us. Instead of trying to develop a product that fully caters to a woman, what ends up happening is that they take the existing product and make it available in pink, baby blue, lavender, or maybe a pale aqua. Or maybe it's incredibly tacky phone covers so we can "bling" out our phones to make them more feminine though, to be honest, the owners of the rare blinged out phone that I've seen tend to be teenage girls and that probably wasn't the market that the companies were hoping to cater to.
Altec Lansing is the latest tech company to foray into attempting to cater to women with their new ear bud headphones. Available in lavender, light aqua, pink, and in faceted shapes, they are still falling into the pattern of thinking "change the color" when creating a product for a woman. To give them credit though, they did also resize their ear buds so they fit better in a woman's ear. A tech company, for once, actually successfully designed a product that may cater to what a woman needs. Now if only those ear buds came in other colors and I'd be game.
The biggest problem with designing a product to a specific demographic based on its appearance through color or "bling" even is that it's not really considering their demographic at all. Most of my female friends don't have their cells encased in a specialty cover. In fact, I don't think any of them have done such a thing to their phones. They've all left them black and there really is no mystery as to why. Women tend to be pretty fashion conscious. Sure we could buy ourselves a pair of aqua ear buds that would fit our ears better but what do we do when we're wearing red? Are we to clash our feminine colored ear buds of choice with whatever we happen to be wearing that day or does Altec Lansing expect us to buy all of the shades available so that we can fashionably coordinate our ear buds with our outfits? That's a pretty expensive thing to do.
The great irony to Altec Lansing's ear buds is that they were so close to being completely on the mark with what women may want. The company's intention was to create ear buds that emulate earrings and named their products in three different grades Bliss Platinum, Gold or Silver. If they had actually looked at what women wear in their ears, they would find that we're most likely to wear just those colors--platinum, gold or silver. If they had done such a thing, then I would be interested in buying their product. Picking up a pair of platinum ear buds means that I don't have to wrinkle my nose every time I pull out my hot pink ear buds and I'm wearing a color that they clash with. Give me platinum colored ear buds with a brushed surface or even a little glitter and I would have ear buds that would coordinate with everything that I wear.
This is why the tech industry consistently seems to miss the mark when it comes to catering a product to a woman. What women want is precisely what men want--a quality product that works and isn't going to break after a month's use. We'll take a black phone over a pink version any day because we do tend to care how we look. It's not hard to comprehend, with our multitude of fashion magazines, that women like to look coordinated and pulled together. We're not little girls who are blissfully unaware that some colors may not go well together like my daughter who typically throws together outfits in color combinations that would even make a clown cringe. Now, put that tech product in a metal tone and then maybe we'll talk.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Gender Experiment Day #2 and #3
When I woke up the next morning, I was thinking about my day #1 discoveries and why certain responses from some people are acceptable and others are not. For instance, my friends on my steam will often tease me saying "I got you, angel!!" but that doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I dish it right back out to them. It's all in good fun and a part of friendly competition. They aren't meaning to be hurtful or insulting at all. When someone who I am not friends with does it, however, their intention is ambiguous. Are they seeing it as they just put a female gamer in her place or are they simply trying to emulate the behavior between my friends and I? Usually, those players do tend to clarify their intention through further commentary, whether it be complimentary or insulting one's gender. It could be even harder to distinguish because I am so used to sexist commentary. Every time I play, I hear some player making rude marks in regards to my gender. It's a fact of being an open female gamer, which I've experienced since I started online gaming in 1997. They may have a chip on their shoulder about a woman playing a fps game, but I have a chip on my shoulder because they don't want me playing it. That chip might paint what is taken in joking manner or simply what "guys do" when gaming and put it into a different color than its intention.
My other reflection was that I would start putting actual numbers to how often some of the activities that I feel like are occurring are actually occurring to create comparative data between the "obvious female gamer" and the pseudonym. This was working out great until a couple of friends came because they read my blog and wanted to make up for what it was like usually. I love them for that but geez, guys--you blew my statistics!! So, I started marking down what non-friend regulars on the server did and omitted what these friends did. This isn't about how my friends treat me. This is about how the random regular treats me.
Here are the statistics (not including friends):
Laughed at due to death: 1
Playing complimented: 2
Targeted heavily (entire teams turn towards me as primary target): 2
Ubercharged/Kritzkrieged: 1
Healed <20 seconds while at top of score board and not to full: 7
Died next to medic: 3
Healed to full: 1
Dominated players who subsequently left the server: 3
The one time that I was healed to full, the medic was standing next to a heavy and we were not under fire. I was at 30 hp and verbally asking for a heal from the medic. He ignored me and I ate the sandwich that the heavy had dropped. The medic healed me only after I stated why I ate the sandwich and the heavy responded that he was fine with that I did. I think it was more peer pressure from his own gender than anything else that caused him to heal me. The one ubercharge was given out of desperation as everyone else had died. Two of the three deaths next to a medic, I was actually being healed and the medic had a full ubercharge. I was the only player present. These two medics chose death opposed to using their ubercharge on me and my telling them to use it repeatedly beforehand. When I asked one medic as to why he didn't use the ubercharge, he stated "I just didn't think" as the reason. Another thing to note was that the medic figures are only for approximately 3 maps. I omitted the maps where I had friends deliberately pocketing me as those were biased statistics. The two compliments occurred during that period as well. Hooray for getting healed! Oddly enough, one player that I had dominated did not immediately leave the server but left immediately after hearing me speak for the first time.
Day #3 is full of biased statistics. Yesterday was my birthday and my friend, Shaun aka Hojo, put the server on birthday mode. Doing so actually really changed the way that people treated me for the night. Birthdays seem to make everybody a little bit nicer so thanks, Hojo! I only had one player start making sexist remarks the whole night and he stopped after he realized that the birthday mode was for me. I was also pocketed several times by well wishers and received a major compliment. Again, I omitted these statistics as it was clearly birthday biased.
Pre birthday mode statistics for roughly 3 or 4 maps:
Laughed at due to death: 3
Playing complimented: 0
Targeted heavily (entire teams turn towards me as primary target): 4
Ubercharged/Kritzkrieged: 0
Healed <20 seconds while at top of score board and not to full: 10
Died next to medic: 3
Healed to full: 0
Dominated players who subsequently left the server: 2
I was so frustrated during this time period that I left the server. It was just an ugly place to be and birthdays are about having a good time. I clearly wasn't. So, what Hojo did really meant the world to me.
My other reflection was that I would start putting actual numbers to how often some of the activities that I feel like are occurring are actually occurring to create comparative data between the "obvious female gamer" and the pseudonym. This was working out great until a couple of friends came because they read my blog and wanted to make up for what it was like usually. I love them for that but geez, guys--you blew my statistics!! So, I started marking down what non-friend regulars on the server did and omitted what these friends did. This isn't about how my friends treat me. This is about how the random regular treats me.
Here are the statistics (not including friends):
Laughed at due to death: 1
Playing complimented: 2
Targeted heavily (entire teams turn towards me as primary target): 2
Ubercharged/Kritzkrieged: 1
Healed <20 seconds while at top of score board and not to full: 7
Died next to medic: 3
Healed to full: 1
Dominated players who subsequently left the server: 3
The one time that I was healed to full, the medic was standing next to a heavy and we were not under fire. I was at 30 hp and verbally asking for a heal from the medic. He ignored me and I ate the sandwich that the heavy had dropped. The medic healed me only after I stated why I ate the sandwich and the heavy responded that he was fine with that I did. I think it was more peer pressure from his own gender than anything else that caused him to heal me. The one ubercharge was given out of desperation as everyone else had died. Two of the three deaths next to a medic, I was actually being healed and the medic had a full ubercharge. I was the only player present. These two medics chose death opposed to using their ubercharge on me and my telling them to use it repeatedly beforehand. When I asked one medic as to why he didn't use the ubercharge, he stated "I just didn't think" as the reason. Another thing to note was that the medic figures are only for approximately 3 maps. I omitted the maps where I had friends deliberately pocketing me as those were biased statistics. The two compliments occurred during that period as well. Hooray for getting healed! Oddly enough, one player that I had dominated did not immediately leave the server but left immediately after hearing me speak for the first time.
Day #3 is full of biased statistics. Yesterday was my birthday and my friend, Shaun aka Hojo, put the server on birthday mode. Doing so actually really changed the way that people treated me for the night. Birthdays seem to make everybody a little bit nicer so thanks, Hojo! I only had one player start making sexist remarks the whole night and he stopped after he realized that the birthday mode was for me. I was also pocketed several times by well wishers and received a major compliment. Again, I omitted these statistics as it was clearly birthday biased.
Pre birthday mode statistics for roughly 3 or 4 maps:
Laughed at due to death: 3
Playing complimented: 0
Targeted heavily (entire teams turn towards me as primary target): 4
Ubercharged/Kritzkrieged: 0
Healed <20 seconds while at top of score board and not to full: 10
Died next to medic: 3
Healed to full: 0
Dominated players who subsequently left the server: 2
I was so frustrated during this time period that I left the server. It was just an ugly place to be and birthdays are about having a good time. I clearly wasn't. So, what Hojo did really meant the world to me.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Gender Experiment Day #1
For my first test run to see if this is worth it, I changed my nick, avatar and went into offline mode before joining my favorite server. There were a few people on the server that I had played with on my usual name, two of whom who would've been constantly talking to me throughout the game. I joined their team and it felt odd. Both of them were talking constantly but to each other. I played well for the last little bit of that map, trying to get used to the lack of chatter in my direction. Second map rolled around and it was pl_frontier. This time, there was another regular from the server on my team who was playing medic and had a history of not healing me much at all. He kept my pseudonym self healed throughout and used kritzkrieg on me at least three times in that round. Normally, under my usual nick, I would not have been given kritzkrieg. There are only two medics who frequent this server that would kritz or uber me as myself. I had no feeling of being targeted. When two of the most frequent players to "lol got ya angel" killed me, they said nothing. I dominated one of them--still nothing said to me when the normal response would have been either "oh god, angel is dominating me" or departure from the server by this particular dominated player. I was carrying a 5:1 kpd nearly throughout the map. Interestingly enough, my fiance also felt the difference of my getting healed and staying up longer. He broke multiple records on that round--something he hadn't been able to do in a long while. On the next map, I was ubered several times and was complimented for my playing. Another thing that does not happen frequently. At one point, I had two medics healing me under my pseudonym. I was so shocked at the sight that I ended up getting us all killed but they came right back to heal me afterward. I haven't had two medics attempting to pocket me in possibly three years. After a friend joined and it showed him as a friend, I finished up the game, talked to him about what I was up to and decided that if I was going to do this without being prematurely outed, I needed a new account.
After setting up a new account with free to play tf2, I joined the server again. It was actually kind of humorous and sad how medics who normally wouldn't heal me, healed and ubercharged me as I was earning easy soldier achievements. So, even a new player gets more heals than a champion gamer. I thought that was really interesting. I was ubered several times in game and not once did anyone say anything to me. The server felt unnaturally quiet. After a few rounds, I switched to my usual account and rejoined. Almost immediately, the banter towards me started up. My team had three medics on it, none of which would heal me. Two of those medics were regulars. One had healed me under the pseudonym. One medic in particular would heal me to no higher than 130 hp and then would stop healing me. He was interesting and I will call him "Z" (but not to be confused with Zee!!). My kpd throughout that time, between being targeted and the lack of heals was 3:1 or less until a friend of mine went medic and started healing me. He was the only medic to use ubercharge on me throughout that map. On the next map, "Z" was on the opposite team and was playing spy. He consistently went to back stab me with higher priority than any other player near me including medics, engineers, and heavy weapons. I found it rather creepy. When one player killed me, he said "it's a gg now since I killed angel".
On dustbowl, I still struggled with getting heals. One medic who I had not played with before used kritzkrieg on me out of desperation. The other medic chose to die as opposed to doing the same. Both healed me. They just didn't want to use their kritzkriegs or ubercharges on me. Toss in constant banter and as well as being the primary target for opposing teams, it wasn't pleasant at all. By the end of the evening, a player joined the server and asked if I was a girl. I remarked that I was always surprised when someone asked me that because it should be obvious. The response was "he's a girl" and jokes about transvestites and transsexuals which went on for possibly 10 minutes. I definitely did not experience any of these things playing under the pseudonym.
After day one, I can definitely say that playing voiceless and under a pseudonym is peculiar, especially when you're playing with friends who don't know you're there. It's lonely and isolating. On the other hand, when using a pseudonym, I get healed dramatically more including the use of ubercharges and kritzkriegs on me. I don't get targeted by entire teams which I had always felt playing as angel and harassment is at a firm zero. To play as angel, it's unending frustration. To play as someone else, lonely. Hell of a choice. One thing I do know is I really love those friends that still give me heals and ubers/kritz. They really are good men.
After setting up a new account with free to play tf2, I joined the server again. It was actually kind of humorous and sad how medics who normally wouldn't heal me, healed and ubercharged me as I was earning easy soldier achievements. So, even a new player gets more heals than a champion gamer. I thought that was really interesting. I was ubered several times in game and not once did anyone say anything to me. The server felt unnaturally quiet. After a few rounds, I switched to my usual account and rejoined. Almost immediately, the banter towards me started up. My team had three medics on it, none of which would heal me. Two of those medics were regulars. One had healed me under the pseudonym. One medic in particular would heal me to no higher than 130 hp and then would stop healing me. He was interesting and I will call him "Z" (but not to be confused with Zee!!). My kpd throughout that time, between being targeted and the lack of heals was 3:1 or less until a friend of mine went medic and started healing me. He was the only medic to use ubercharge on me throughout that map. On the next map, "Z" was on the opposite team and was playing spy. He consistently went to back stab me with higher priority than any other player near me including medics, engineers, and heavy weapons. I found it rather creepy. When one player killed me, he said "it's a gg now since I killed angel".
On dustbowl, I still struggled with getting heals. One medic who I had not played with before used kritzkrieg on me out of desperation. The other medic chose to die as opposed to doing the same. Both healed me. They just didn't want to use their kritzkriegs or ubercharges on me. Toss in constant banter and as well as being the primary target for opposing teams, it wasn't pleasant at all. By the end of the evening, a player joined the server and asked if I was a girl. I remarked that I was always surprised when someone asked me that because it should be obvious. The response was "he's a girl" and jokes about transvestites and transsexuals which went on for possibly 10 minutes. I definitely did not experience any of these things playing under the pseudonym.
After day one, I can definitely say that playing voiceless and under a pseudonym is peculiar, especially when you're playing with friends who don't know you're there. It's lonely and isolating. On the other hand, when using a pseudonym, I get healed dramatically more including the use of ubercharges and kritzkriegs on me. I don't get targeted by entire teams which I had always felt playing as angel and harassment is at a firm zero. To play as angel, it's unending frustration. To play as someone else, lonely. Hell of a choice. One thing I do know is I really love those friends that still give me heals and ubers/kritz. They really are good men.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
A Gender Experiment in Gaming
For years now, I've been playing Team Fortress 2. I am actually a Team Fortress 2 champion and was the first woman to win any Gamespot tournament, which is pretty cool. Nothing like breaking a glass ceiling. My friends list on Steam, as one would expect, is pretty sizable. I'm currently sitting at around 266 friends. The combination of being a woman who plays a game very well has a great deal to do with that count. One would think that, having such a sizable friends list, my days playing Team Fortress 2 are pretty friend filled and relaxed. The sad truth is that it isn't.
My fiance also plays Team Fortress 2. Very few people are aware that he also played in the same tournament that I won. One would think that how he and I are treated would be rather similar but it's not. There are stark differences from how much healing he gets from medics, the way people talk to him or regard him, and so on. The most obvious difference is in how people talk to us and its frequency. Other players, whether they be friend or not, generally regard him as being a better player than I am when he is the first to point out that I am actually the better player due to consistency of skill and willingness to work with my team. In a 1v1, we utterly nullify each other. Yet, he is somehow the better of us two. He gets infinitely more heals, ubercharges and kritzkriegs from medics although he blatantly uses them as bait while I will be left to die, even by friends standing next to me as a medic. He gets praise while I get insults and endless "lols". He gets harassed from time to time but it's always rare whereas not a night goes by without someone telling me to get back to the kitchen. I tend to be the magnet for all the rage. Even in dominating opponents, there is a difference. He'll frequently have more dominations on the scoreboard compared to me. The reason why is simple--a good number of the players that I dominate immediately leave the server.
What instead happens is generally a lot of demand for my attention either through voice communications, in-game text or, my favorite, messaging me through steam while I'm clearly playing a game. Those that do the latter often laugh when I don't respond until several hours later. The problem is, I may have as many as 6 or 7 people messaging me through Steam during the course of my game time. It's a nightly occurrence. If I responded to them while I'm playing, then I wouldn't get much time to actually play, now would I? I know this sounds like a pathetic complaint but think about when you do your best in a game. Is it when you have a lot of people talking to you at once or is it when you can just relax and focus on the game by "getting into the zone" because of a lack of interruption? For most people, they do their best in the latter when they aren't facing a lot of interruption.
Generally the people in game are the hardest to ignore. whether it be the random order to get back into the kitchen by the total stranger or being relentlessly teased by somebody who thinks that they're funny. I don't mind people talking to me. I like friends and I love joking around. I just don't like it when I have half a server doing it all at once. That's just overwhelming and would be to anybody. It becomes disruptive. Toss in all the commentary when an opponent kills you like "lolz I just killed angel", it becomes downright maddening. This is something that is common between my fiance and I though, again, we have noticed that this happens to me a great deal more than it happens to him.
I have voiced my frustrations to my friends over and over again, especially to the ones who actively participate in it without being aware of what they are doing. If he and I are treated so disparately when we are so comparable in skill, then the only difference left to explain the variable treatment is gender. The medic who hangs off of him and stops healing me the moment my name comes up on his hud is being sexist. The guys who badger me on a server while I'm playing are being sexist. The players who leave after I dominate them are being sexist. One doesn't have to say "get back into the kitchen" to punish a player for their gender. It's not an overt kind of sexism but a sneaky kind which is a good deal more insidious and inhibiting. Last night, I came close to changing my nick, avatar and deleting most of my friends list on Steam. Today, I decided to prove my case instead.
Years ago, in Team Fortress Classic, I noted the differences between how a player was regarded based on their gender and performed a little experiment. I changed my name and used a different won_id to become another player. I found a target server where I would become a regular for the next two weeks and I actively avoided the newly added in-game VOIP for the entire experiment. I became respected on this target server as a great player and a worthy opponent. By the end of the first week, every regular knew who I was and wanted to be on my team. At the end of the experiment, I spoke for the first time using the in-game voice comms, immediately revealing my gender. What was unleashed is not repeatable but I will simply say that highly graphic language was used. Today, in Team Fortress 2, there are fewer players that will respond to a female gamer like that. They still exist but they are distinctly outnumbered but that doesn't mean that sexism in Team Fortress 2 still isn't prevalent. It's just changed its method of delivery. To prove it, I'll renew my old experiment. I will become a player with no history and no discernible gender. It will become a comparison study: the female TF2 champion and the free 2 player. Who do you think will get more heals or harassed?
My fiance also plays Team Fortress 2. Very few people are aware that he also played in the same tournament that I won. One would think that how he and I are treated would be rather similar but it's not. There are stark differences from how much healing he gets from medics, the way people talk to him or regard him, and so on. The most obvious difference is in how people talk to us and its frequency. Other players, whether they be friend or not, generally regard him as being a better player than I am when he is the first to point out that I am actually the better player due to consistency of skill and willingness to work with my team. In a 1v1, we utterly nullify each other. Yet, he is somehow the better of us two. He gets infinitely more heals, ubercharges and kritzkriegs from medics although he blatantly uses them as bait while I will be left to die, even by friends standing next to me as a medic. He gets praise while I get insults and endless "lols". He gets harassed from time to time but it's always rare whereas not a night goes by without someone telling me to get back to the kitchen. I tend to be the magnet for all the rage. Even in dominating opponents, there is a difference. He'll frequently have more dominations on the scoreboard compared to me. The reason why is simple--a good number of the players that I dominate immediately leave the server.
What instead happens is generally a lot of demand for my attention either through voice communications, in-game text or, my favorite, messaging me through steam while I'm clearly playing a game. Those that do the latter often laugh when I don't respond until several hours later. The problem is, I may have as many as 6 or 7 people messaging me through Steam during the course of my game time. It's a nightly occurrence. If I responded to them while I'm playing, then I wouldn't get much time to actually play, now would I? I know this sounds like a pathetic complaint but think about when you do your best in a game. Is it when you have a lot of people talking to you at once or is it when you can just relax and focus on the game by "getting into the zone" because of a lack of interruption? For most people, they do their best in the latter when they aren't facing a lot of interruption.
Generally the people in game are the hardest to ignore. whether it be the random order to get back into the kitchen by the total stranger or being relentlessly teased by somebody who thinks that they're funny. I don't mind people talking to me. I like friends and I love joking around. I just don't like it when I have half a server doing it all at once. That's just overwhelming and would be to anybody. It becomes disruptive. Toss in all the commentary when an opponent kills you like "lolz I just killed angel", it becomes downright maddening. This is something that is common between my fiance and I though, again, we have noticed that this happens to me a great deal more than it happens to him.
I have voiced my frustrations to my friends over and over again, especially to the ones who actively participate in it without being aware of what they are doing. If he and I are treated so disparately when we are so comparable in skill, then the only difference left to explain the variable treatment is gender. The medic who hangs off of him and stops healing me the moment my name comes up on his hud is being sexist. The guys who badger me on a server while I'm playing are being sexist. The players who leave after I dominate them are being sexist. One doesn't have to say "get back into the kitchen" to punish a player for their gender. It's not an overt kind of sexism but a sneaky kind which is a good deal more insidious and inhibiting. Last night, I came close to changing my nick, avatar and deleting most of my friends list on Steam. Today, I decided to prove my case instead.
Years ago, in Team Fortress Classic, I noted the differences between how a player was regarded based on their gender and performed a little experiment. I changed my name and used a different won_id to become another player. I found a target server where I would become a regular for the next two weeks and I actively avoided the newly added in-game VOIP for the entire experiment. I became respected on this target server as a great player and a worthy opponent. By the end of the first week, every regular knew who I was and wanted to be on my team. At the end of the experiment, I spoke for the first time using the in-game voice comms, immediately revealing my gender. What was unleashed is not repeatable but I will simply say that highly graphic language was used. Today, in Team Fortress 2, there are fewer players that will respond to a female gamer like that. They still exist but they are distinctly outnumbered but that doesn't mean that sexism in Team Fortress 2 still isn't prevalent. It's just changed its method of delivery. To prove it, I'll renew my old experiment. I will become a player with no history and no discernible gender. It will become a comparison study: the female TF2 champion and the free 2 player. Who do you think will get more heals or harassed?
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